Niquey in Thought

 *      *    * If your life is in slow motion or not going the way you want, Or maybe you’re making progress in exactly the wrong direction, or some random direction, or… —wait how did we get here again?— It might be that you need to check the program. At my office, I occasionally have to do a lot of scanning. And it used to be that only one computer had the printer’s specific scanning software. But it so happened that that computer was usually unavailable. So I was always using the other computers that only had Windows Fax and Scan. I’m not even kidding when I tell you, it was like 5 seconds between scanning each page through the feeder. I thought this was just a dumb butt printer that had a terrible design. Then one day I ended up installing another new printer of the same type on my boss’s computer. Installing the software was so easy, I was like, “I’ll install the software on all the others.” My main motivation was I wanted to be able to batch scans int...

  *          *          * We don’t know anything. I’m convinced that the sooner we accept and believe that, the sooner we’ll begin on the road to knowing more than 99% of the people out there. Because 99% of people know enough to keep them comfortable and limited, trapped in the bounds of the “societal norms.” When we come to the realization that our knowledge is less than a speck of what can be known, we’ll experience a kind of hunger that we’ve never known. A hunger to learn and grow and become better than we were yesterday. And we shouldn’t be fooled. Wisdom isn’t hiding. It’s calling out. If we’re missing it, it’s because we’re just not listening. “Out in the open wisdom calls aloud, she raises her voice in the public square; on top of the wall she cries out, at the city gate she makes her speech…” (Prov 1:20-21) Especially in this day and age where information is everywhere, finding wisdom is not a matter of “can” but “will.” A...

*          *          * What do you do when you don’t know what to do? When there seem to be too many options? When there’s no clarity? When there’s no clear path? Trust God and move. I mean, what else am I gonna do? Nothing is not an option. People are under the delusion that they are staying still in life when they do nothing. That’s a lie. The tide of life is always moving. If you’re not working to go forward, the default is to drift backward, degrade, and devolve into “entropic chaos.” Nothing? That’s unacceptable. Not even my trust in the waiting is stagnant. “Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” (Jam 2:18) Because I trust God, I know I can move. I can move with confidence. I can move without fear. And I can move knowing that my movement will be guided. But the bottom line is I need to trust God and do something. Anything. Actually…not anything because my default “do” is to look for vi...

  *          *          * What is the impact I want to make? Not on the whole world. That’s too big for me right now. On a few. The few people who may encounter my tiny little corner of the internet. What do I want to do for them? I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I do indeed desire to make an impact on people. I never really thought I did. I thought I was quite selfish, to be honest. Not proudly, but I acknowledged it. That was the reason I couldn’t accept the idea of ever getting large amounts of attention. Because I didn’t want it for me . But what about for someone else? That’s different. I would do it for someone else. Which I’ve now decided is a go. ( Read about it here ) Sooo… What do I want to do for that someone else? I’ve thought about it, and at the current stage of my life where I am now, I’ve come up with this: I want to move people’s hearts so that they are driven to change. And they don’t just want to ch...

  *          *          * I talked myself out of my dreams.  Seriously. I mean, are we sure we want a personal brand?  Because I’m skeptical.  I… don’t think I want to be famous . Okay, so I never actually wanted to be famous. But what I wanted would have held a high chance of me falling into some level of fame. I’ve decided to limit my success. I am purposefully NOT going to go hard. I’ve thought about it and I literally talked myself out of my hopes and dreams. Go hard or go home? I’m going home. Okay that’s an exaggeration. My ambitions are too crazy to turn off honestly, but maybe I’ll just temper myself. I’m going to go moderate. I’m pulling the crosshairs in from Mt Everest down towards more of a Mt. Olympus. Challenging enough to satisfy my hunger for achievement but saturated enough for me to get lost in the masses. This is absurd to think about when I say it like that But, I mean, think about it. So many peop...

*          *          * Do I live carefree in that I don’t care about anything except to talk to God and flow with life? That can’t be right… What about I live carefree in that I pursue any goal I want because I know God’s got me, and when life says “No,” I say, “Says who?” and keep pushing forward. Of course, we have to caveat with the caveats. “Pursue any goal I want” will be tempered by following God. God will let me know when a goal I want is out of the question. Or rather, my Holy Spirit and intuition will. And should I not listen to that, God will enact other means. I know this because I’ve asked Him for this and believe for this. I’ve said to Him many times to get in my way if I’m going the wrong way, and He has. I won’t say it hasn’t frustrated me. But better to be frustrated now and saved later pain. But back to the exploration. I want to really get down to what it means to “live carefree before God” as the Message translatio...

*      *      * It’s a fun challenge. I keep forgetting. It’s a fun challenge! I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life and I keep getting frustrated when I can’t find the answer instead of being curiously open to finding one. Playfully searching. Niquey, remember. It’s all smoke! It’s all going to pass away. My frustrations will not get me closer to the answer; just closer to stress and burnout. Relax! So, I don’t know what I’m doing. This is great! This gives me something to work towards: figure out what I need/want to do. Don’t get frustrated! Don’t waste time fretting about the “feelings” you’re having! Relax! It’s all going away soon. Before you know it, it will be a long-gone memory you will be looking back on and laughing about. Keep your eyes on God. As long as you keep Him involved, Bob Marley’s words will ring true:  Every little thing is gonna be alright! Sooo, I don’t know what I’m doing. What I need to focus on, cut, ignore...

  *      *      * Is it possible to be happy all the time? What if you frame your happiness with the means to success and not in the outcome of success itself? I really think if you seek satisfaction and happiness in an end goal, a singular point in time, one particular outcome, you’ll only get the dopamine hit for a moment. After that, you’ll need to seek more and more “outcomes” to feel happy. While constantly striving to reach some goal is necessary for living a productive and forward moving life, there is something to be said about enjoying each step of the way. My hypothesis is this:  Reframe where you find happiness to be the activity that successful people do (whatever the arena), and your happiness—dopamine hits—will spring forth continuously. For instance, I know that journaling—writing out my thoughts on the epiphanies I get—is an immensely useful habit. Not only will it create clarity, but it will also lead to future content whether in ...